i know all these words

i don't know why i'm thinking about becoming a teacher. i obviously don't know how to talk to high school students. hell, i didn't even know how when i was in high school. i tended to avoid them. last period, in mr. cramer's class, i caught juan goofing off during partner reading time. gabby was reading, and he was staring off into space. i asked him where she was, and he pointed to a vague spot on the page. "where exactly?" i demanded. he looked at gabby and said, "i don't know, she's looking kind of over here now." this prompted me to give the "talk" i had been dreaming of giving to the whole class all morning.

and so it began, "juan, you need to start buckling down and getting with the program. i work with seniors who can barely read, alright? they're farther behind you and they're not going to graduate because they've been dicking around and screwing off like you are right now. you have four years to get better than them, and i don't want you to end up like them, okay? so you need to start buckling down and getting with it." i said this while motioning to the page he was supposed to be reading. i felt kind of weird offering advice, so i strolled over to the other side of the classroom. i felt awkward saying "buckling down," especially twice and realized that i had said, "dicking." from the other side of the room, i noticed gabby watching me like i was someone i wasn't; either a hero, or some gringo bringing her race down even more. i still don't know what to make of it.

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