you don't even know me, pacman

yesterday, while i sat with some students after school, mr. cramer was complaining about some student that was writing on the desk. when one of the boys asked, "who was it, mr. cramer?" mr. cramer said, "i don't know. just some stupid freshman faggot. excuse my french, guys." i could tell he was really embarassed; after all, most teachers would lose their job over a comment like that. it's just sickening to know that a teacher at watsonville high school would actually let something like that slip. i obviously didn't report it; i'm even trying to convince myself that i misheard him.

today i'm going to help ms. rosburg with the after school nutrition program. so far, we've had two women from the district talk to kids about different kinds of fruits and vegetables, and then the kids try fruits and veggies they've never had. then, the high school kids prepare smoothies for them. it's pretty fun, but again, i end up being a big, useless turd.

i dream of being a doctor, a time when people would care whether or not i showed up half an hour late to work, a time when i'd be given more responibility than say, telling kids that "conclusion" is spelled with an "s" and not a "t." americorps really is the lowest common demoninator. even record store punks who work part-time make more than us; even janitors at the school play a more important role than we do. i've recently discovered that our health coverage is shit, and that aetna will only cover $2,000 if i have a medical emergency. how that qualifies as "health insurance" boggles my mind.

i sometimes worry that i'll look back on my two year americorps stint with deep regret. i can't even say that it was a perfect attempt to avoid working for corporations, since i became a bitch barista for three months. and i can't say it was to avoid getting an office job because that's basically all the red cross was.

i can say that i joined because i was idealistic, unmaterialistic, and wanted to, as m.i.a. said, "pull up the people, pull up the poor." but now i see that the government funds americorps because they know what a useless program it is. that the more college graduates americorps recruits, the less flooded the job market will be. it's a good ploy to keep idealistic youth from achieving anything tangible.

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