i pee diamonds.

Today i went to vinnie hansen's class, since kathryn's cahsee prep class is dwindling. i have to say that i haven't seen a class as well behaved since i was in high school. i also couldn't believe that she was teaching them, and that they were actually learning something. it was difficult knowing that two classrooms down, in room 51, the freshmen there were being subjected to more useless current events and tales of the bible, when these kids were actually learning that alliteration is the repetition of sounds, not letters. shit, even i didn't remember that.

then ms. hansen dove into a lesson on prefixes. she blanked out on examples for the prefix "in," and asked if i could think of any. still recovering from the shock that some kids at watsonville high actually do learn, i couldn't help at all. a group of girls gained the same insight almost instantaneously. "insane!" they called out. oh yeah. god, i feel dumb. then it hit me. "invalid."

ms. hansen is also an author who faces some tough critics. one of three reviews on amazon for her murder-mystery novel murder, honey summed it up in one word: "sucktastic."

needless to say, i look forward to finishing off the year with her and her group of well-behaved, cognizant first period.

the rest of the day was "same old garbage," as rich likes to say. during third period, kathryn decided they would watch a movie. adrian put in final destination 3, which i secretly wanted to watch, too, but kathryn denied us our gore-fest. the kids didn't want to watch pleasantville, so instead they watched redemption, the stanley tookie williams story. again.

kathryn forgot to pick up the vegetables for the nutrition program, so i had to do an albertson's run. getting paid for a shopping run. i'm game. then, at albertson's, i was supposed to pick up 2 zucchinis. i can't really tell the difference between a zucchini and a cucumber, so i had to rely on an old mexican man's expertise. i hold up the green thing. "is this the same as zucchini?" he quietly nods. "thanks."

i was useless in fifth period, since ms. joy just read to them and told them about segregation. "can you imagine," she said, "hanging a little black girl just for being black?" she continued talking about how she was born in 1960 in illinois, but she wasn't racist, and her family wasn't racist. it seemed as if she had to defend herself against some invisible accusation. "we didn't even know any racists when i grew up," she said. i wanted to tell her and everyone that racism wasn't just about hating people for their skin color. it's about privilege, it's about being able to work the system. but, of course, i said nothing. i shot my high horse, left him to die in a pool of his own urine on the corner of madison and 23rd in seattle.

i actually liked doing the nutrition program today. the kids were wild as usual, and the high schoolers quiet as usual. joanna told me she's going to san jose state. "do you know what you want to study?" "yeah," she says. "i'm going to study nursing." she, in her blue five-a-day apron, could easily transition into a white lab coat, stethoscope dangling from her neck.

i, on the other hand, wearing a grey american apparel shirt (size small) and jeans i haven't washed all week, never really imagined myself sporting anything any different. maybe that was the problem. always telling myself that i wanted to be great, but couldn't envision "greatness." couldn't even give it a name. all i hoped for was the ratty pink bathrobe, or else a beady, oversized, seasick green cardigan hunched over a smith-corona somewhere.

but instead, i have my girlfriend's dell laptop. and i get angry with her when she interrupts my blogging, blogging, so that she can check her email. not poetry, not fiction.

inadequate. incapable. insipid.

1 comment:

ms.meggie said...

INtriguing. (oh and cucumbers have a smoother surface than zucchinis)