where's the tension

so, i finally have to admit, and accept, that i'm a terrible fiction writer. for the past couple of weeks, i've completely neglected the act of writing, and instead have chosen to blog, wash dishes, and read. my professor, larry nichols, used to call the crappy stories i had "false starts," and as it turns out, these false starts were all i could ever accomplish. i've heard over and over again that it's all about patience, it's about doing it and doing it, polishing and rewriting, but the voice of self-doubt is the loudest and clearest. now, i've learned not to point fingers, or blame others, but i mean, come on:

"This class is one of the hardest and worst you can take at SU. The teacher is so unclear and confuses students even more than they should. He makes a strong, good writer feel inadequate and unsure about their writing. I felt unispired, frustrated almost every day. DO NOT TAKE ANY CLASSES WITH PROFESSOR NICHOLS!!!!"

yes, this is courtesy of www.ratemyprofessor.com. despite his misspelling of "uninspired," he makes a strong point. i feel pretty inadequate and unsure about my writing. hell, it took me four or five tries to get this blog started. now, i think, i just state the obvious and don't really care. it's helped me see that my days are pretty unusual, and if i write about them, maybe they're not as wasted as i think they are.

but anyway, back to larry. no, it's really not his fault. i think that grades and work and wiki-ing and googling and youtubing and myspacing and facebooking and buying and not working have just turned me into a highly unimaginative person.

my cousin rich once said, "you're the george harrison of the family. like the least exciting beatle. you want an exciting life, but you're a boring person." it was one of the biggest insults i've ever received, but it was also true. it was no wonder then, that the radiohead song "no surprises" became one of my favorites in high school.

therein the problem lies and exacerbates. i don't like tricks, i don't like confrontation. and that's usually the heart of a good short story. so maybe i'm not a fiction writer. maybe i'm just doomed to blog.

but even still, if these are just entries about a boring person, and people still read them, then i must have something going on.


damn you, larry.

1 comment:

ms.meggie said...

first of all, george was my favorite beatle -- and not just because he was the cutest and wrote some of their best songs. he also had a quiet dignity. he didn't need to be in everyone's face like lennon, and he wasn't a wanker like mccartney. he was someone to be trusted.

writers, too, need to be trustworthy. that's you.

and what do you mean there is no conflict in your life? just because you aren't throwing remote controls through dry-wall or having screaming contests with your roommate doesn't mean your life in conflict-free. besides, you don't have to be in a conflict to understand it...and that's all a writer has to do anyway.

just write goddammit.