there will be consequences.

i didn't recognize katy this morning when meagan and i walked into the room. she curled her hair and looked plumper, pinker, shorter. we were there a half an hour early for no reason. throughout the day, we ran copies, found a stapler, ran more copies, tried to find an answer key. the kids took their math placement test and i read about the titanic - the movie and the actual ship. the band played until the very end, never abandoning ship. i told glenn this. "i don't love music that much," he said. i liked the idea of men all dressed up, ready to go down like gentlemen. i don't know what i would've done.

and speaking of sinking ships, the first day of summer school is over. katy had us introduce ourselves. i'm james. i'm in americorps, not that that means anything to any of you. and probably never will, with any luck. what made me saddest is when katy asked meagan to pass out mints to the students while they took their math test. i should mention today was meagan's birthday. now, imagine her, pissed, unappreciated, underpaid, passing out mints like some stewardess on her birthday. i didn't like it. not one bit. katy thanked her afterward. that's how we volunteers get treated. like retards. DON'T EVER VOLUNTEER. unless you like being treated like a retard.

then liz says we have to attend this staff meeting from 2-4. the meeting, again, had nothing to do with the americorps peasants, yet we were asked to be there anyway. we played the icebreaker, "i love my neighbor." meagan got stuck in the middle. "i love my neighbor who wants to get out of this meeting as early as possible," she said. a few moved. i was one of them.

tonight we watched chris rock's stand-up comedy over a glass (okay, i had three sips) of champagne. it almost made me wish i was funny. almost.

i had the thought today that i should sell everything i own to buy an ibook and a very nice digital camera. i want to create a documentary on standardized tests. i really should do it. i would be able to tell people that i'm a documentary filmmaker, not a fucking volunteer, and be treated like a normal human being.

or maybe i should just suck it up and repeat the mantra, "i'm really not that important" every morning.

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