maybe it's your violent past.

today was absolutely horrendous. the kids were more out of control, more disrespectful than usual. it all happened around break when the kids (jorge, giovanni, esteban, francisco, and earvin) were kicking around a soccer ball in front of the classroom. meagan was reading a magazine and jorge accidentally kicked it so that it rolled onto the table and smacked her in the face. she got really upset, told them they couldn't play ball anymore, but they chose to ignore her and played a couple of yards away instead. i went after them and told them they needed to listen to their teacher. it turned into a game of keep-away for a few seconds until esteban picked up the ball and said, ok. but instead of putting the ball away, they chose again not to listen to me, and picked up where they left off, kicking the ball in front of the classroom. i physically had to grab the ball and put it away for them and scolded them again for not listening. at that point, i told katy what happened and she lectured them outside. when they came back in, they were being loud and disrupting the other students who were taking a final.

at one point, i saw meagan holding her arm out to keep esteban from falling on rebecca. "don't push me like that!" he said. i thought nothing of it, but about twenty minutes later, one of the security guards came up to both of us and told us that esteban claimed that meagan had pushed him. we had to clarify that it wasn't true. meagan was ready to quit then and there.

i really couldn't believe esteban would do something like that, create problems where problems don't exist just out of spite. i always found him annoying, but never vindictive like that. i guess i was wrong. meagan said that today was a day where she feel like she can understand where conservatives come from. that always seems to be the case. you try to do a little good, and it doesn't get you very far.

also, when jorge wouldn't clean up around his desk like i told him to, i got very upset. the kind of wrath i hadn't felt in a while where my eye starts to twitch. and i feel the blood draining from my face. what's wrong with these people? what's wrong with this picture? today glenn said that they shouldn't bother calling it an ELD institute. call it what it really is: a fucking daycare center for little bitch babies. it's just sad that there always is a minority in your classroom who does want to learn and try. and then there's always assholes who want to ruin everything because they're forced to be there. that's why all schooling should be optional. maybe some kids need to work in the fields for a few months, maybe a few years to truly value education. maybe some of us need to hold shitty volunteering positions to realize that getting a real job might actually be a good idea.

but i still believe all work is immoral. i've been trained to think that it's not okay to just sit around and think about what i'd like to do. i've been trained to keep going until every ounce of energy is sucked from my core. it's the american dream.

tomorrow is the last day of summer school. the last day of volunteering. perhaps...forever? stay tuned...

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