roy g. biv.

i don't know if i've already mentioned this, but those assholes in stockton didn't give me the job. mrs. allen said that they had already hired enough PIT's (an acroynm for uncredentialed teachers), so they couldn't add one more to the list. i felt like screaming into the phone, then why the fuck did you bother interviewing me? why the fuck did i drive out to stockton? why did your stupid piece of shit district send a rep out to the recruitment fair? so now, at this point, i basically have to start from scratch. more searching through job postings, emailing, mailing, phone calls, phone interviews, in-person interviews, visiting school sites, the works. but after working with annoying kids all day, it takes a crapload of energy to want to find a job where i'll be working more hours with probably even more annoying kids. maybe i should just bag it.

meagan said, "if you're going to be poor, you might as well be poor doing something you like." i totally agree. i kind of want to just build a work bench, get some tools, build shit, fix shit, and sell it on craigslist. i'm tired of trying to survive in this capitalist racket. maybe i should just stay at home and write stories all day, everyday, until i get a full-ride at some prestigious mfa program. and even if i never get accepted, at least i can say i was trying. unfortunately, i know what would happen. i'd get distracted. i'd be disappointed. i don't know enough words to be a good writer. and i don't know how to make anything, really. all this capitalist racket of a culture has done is made me feel powerless and empty.

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