student coming out. room 13.

teaching is awful. my students are much, much worse than i expected. they love, love, looooove talking about getting drunk, having sex, getting high all the time. these kids are twelve, thirteen years old. they love cursing at each other, they love saying, "faggot," "bitch," "fuck" this and that. it's a goddamn, son-of-a-bitch, motherfucking nightmare. normally, this would be okay with me because, you know, there's always one or two kids there who actually want to learn. right? wrong. nobody here wants to learn a damn thing.

all my kids wear military uniform and i can't keep a room quiet for more than three minutes. it's a complete disaster. i know i'm young, and they want to test me. they all want to see how much they can get away with, and it's really annoying. how do you tell someone that the one thing they love doing--namely, getting high--is a stupid thing to say. escaping from their shitty reality is all they have, and i'm expected to take that away from them. to tell them that it's not okay to even discuss that shit in my classroom.

so far, i've had a kid pull his eyelids to the side, you know, to make fun of asians; i've had a kid tell me he doesn't like jews; i've had a kid repeat, "sendmeoutsendmeoutsendmeout, i'mgonna keep buggin' you till you sendmeout"; i've heard the following words used by just about everyone: niggershithellfuckdamnbitchshitcockfaggotdickassdamnpussy, etc.

i made the mistake of asking kids why they're here. sometimes it's as harmless as "i missed a lot of days of school" to something as hostile as, "i brought a flamethrower to school with the intention of burning it down."

nevermind education. these kids are so far back that getting them into the army would be an accomplishment for me. getting them to do anything legal would be an accomplishment for me. meagan says i've already developed the 100 yard stare, that i look like i'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.

and jesus christ, it's just my second day.


ultrafknbd said...

What sucks or is altruistic 'bout about teaching (I'm gonna go with "sucks" here) is that they probably need you more than you need them. The caveat or question is: Can you stand it enough to be there? If the answer is "no", get out while you can.

Toby Shuster said...