mercy me.

as always, low was flawless last night. they played many of my favorites, including "in the drugs," "sunflower," "when i go deaf," and others. my favorite part about the whole show, though, was an idiot heckler, calling from the balcony in between songs, "transmission! trans-mission!" he annoyingly continued requesting low's cover of joy division's "transmission." alan ignored him pretty much through the setlist, and many other fans yelled "shut the fuck up!" to the drunk (i imagine) heckler. but, during the first encore, when alan began strumming the opening chords to "when i go deaf," he stopped. "we should do transmission," he said. a few people groaned, but most laughed at the fact that he was giving in to this idiot. and so low played "transmission." "i love you," the drunkard called from above. "i love you, too, uncle bill," alan answered.

earlier in the show, they played a song i had never really paid attention to before. it's track 12 on the album trust, and it's called "point of disgust." i've heard it before, but it was the first time i really heard it. maybe because the opening lines are a little more applicable to how i've been feeling recently: "once i was lost/to the point of disgust/i had in my sight/lack of vision/lack of light."

i've written a blog entry before about how i refuse to listen to music that doesn't evoke some sort of physical or emotional response. lately, a lot of songs have given me chills, and i don't know what it is. the arcade fire's "wake up" is one of them, and i think it's because meagan told me that it reminds her of the kids she tutored at moreland elementary. the second verse goes, "children/wake up/hold your/mistake up/before they/turn the summer into dust." she also put it on a compilation she made for the sixth graders. it also makes me think of this retreat i went on in march with the americorps team. ace told the group how every morning, they play bob marley's "three little birds." the chorus goes, "every little thing is gonna be alright." i imagined these kids running around and dancing like crazies to bob marley. both those stories and both those songs made me really wish i had tried teaching at the elementary level. i know i could still do it, but i'm not sure i want to. i'm still recovering.

i'm feeling better these days. i really like loading up my shuffle and then going for a walk. i ride my bike when i'm feeling lethargic. i breathe in water and blow out the bad stuff every morning. my sinuses have never been better. i find things for us to do, so we don't sit around, brooding, second guessing ourselves. because that's evil. alice walker once wrote, the secret of possessing joy is resistance. i don't want to blow up at people. i don't want to throw things or take naps when i'm not sleepy. i don't want to buy things because i have nothing else to do. or settle, or become hopeless.

every now and then, though, i do need something, someone to wake me up.

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