your hand in mine.

before i begin my now daily blog, i'd like to ask the anonymous radical commenter to please reveal yourself. is it you, eric? is it? just say so; i won't judge. honestly.

i've undertaken a new project which will, if kept up, most likely lead to an actual breakdown. that's right. i've given in to my OCD, and i've been trying to consolidate our family photos, so that i can make space for more of my books. for those of you (and i'm sure this is all of you) who have never done this before, at least browse through some of your photo albums. you'll discover, as i have, that we have an enormous amount of photos from sea world, various zoos, disneyland, etc. without anyone actually in them. the only thing i could ask myself is why. why all the photos of shamu diving up in her pool, or cinderella waving to parade-watchers, or a robotic jaws attacking the tourist tram? if nobody is actually posing next to these things, why take the shot?

having lived in watsonville for the past year, meagan and i have had a number of opportunities to visit the monterey bay aquarium for free. the watsonville library likes to hand out free passes to the aquarium, and so we took advantage of it more than a handful of times. one of the strangest things, though, is witnessing how many people took pictures of the fish. is this really necessary? isn't that what memory is for? and what drove william wordsworth to write a poem about those stupid daffodils?

i don't really like taking pictures. the only ones i take are usually for crap i'm going to sell on craigslist. and whenever i do that, i have to borrow someone else's digital camera. i'm too cheap to pay for something my brain can do for free. mental snap-shots. they'll put kodak out of business.

anyway, i didn't really mean to blog about all that.

for those of you who know me, i mean, really know me, you'll know that i'm pretty eccentric. i say things to myself. i don't necessarily talk to myself; i just say random things. for example, when i worked at the aids alliance thrift store in seattle, any time i came across an eddie bauer article of clothing we couldn't sell, i almost always said to myself, very quietly, "eddie, i'm...i'm so sorry." and recently, at home, i have a tendency to say things in tagalog to my mom, quite vocally. "manok!" which means, "chicken." sometimes i'll say, "manok! balok! bantot!" which means, "chicken! rotten! stinky!" sometimes my mom will answer, "manok!" back. we have a really strange relationship. lately, she's been prone to saying, "ka-wawa," which means, "sad," or "pitiful." often, she says this about me, when she catches me doing something pointless, like, for example, consolidating photo albums.

but sometimes, i think, she's referring to herself. she had a mini breakdown last week. she decided that she's going to quit her job. her original plan was to retire at the end of next december, so that she could begin collecting social security, but she just can't put up with the bullshit anymore. due mainly to stress, she's been unable to sleep before going to work for the past two years. and now, the hospital is undergoing some major changes. management wants to assign more patients to each nurse, despite a large number of nurses' objections. my mom complains about the politics there, for many of the nurses are two-faced, saying they object to the new plan, but whenever management is around, easily transform into dimwitted yes-women. so after two years there, and after thirty years of nursing, my mom's peacing out.

i don't want to end up on the couch one day, crying like her, having to worry about where the health care or social security or retirement funds are going to come from when i'm forced into early retirement. whoever you are, anonymous commenter, you're right. this system truly is "rotten to the core."


ultrafknbd said...

Ain't me; I'm proud to post-up. It has more a whitey will pay tinge to it, don't it?

Talking about Hard Times said...

haha, yeah, it does. i only thought it might be you because of some of the book recommendations.