all day long, i think about the paradiso.

it's not quite 7 a.m. yet, but i'm wide awake. i woke up around 5:30 and i couldn't fall back asleep. an older woman with long blonde hair came and replaced our garbage can with a smaller one. i tried to play my guitar, but i played so quietly that i couldn't hear whether it was good or not. my writing teacher used to tell me about the poet william stafford and how he would wake up early and write. all his best ideas came to him early in the morning.

during my dante class once, father rowan told us about how he ran into an old student of his. the student was homeless (probably an english major) and he wandered the streets all day. father rowan asked him, "what do you think about when you're walking around all day with nothing to do?" to which the ex-student replied, "all day long, i think about the paradiso."

i was going to blog about holiday returns, and how i really hate when i receive gifts from macy's because when you try to return the shirt you'll never wear, they only give you store credit. so you can buy something else you'll never wear. and when did my family members all get together and decide that after i turned 16, i'm only capable of wearing XXXL t-shirts? what are they trying to say? that i need to get fatter, or that i'm already too fat?

every year, i talk about doing a buy nothing christmas, but i always end up caving in and getting somebody something. i think it's because when i was 11, i would've hated whatever relative was using his anti-consumerism beliefs as an excuse to not get me that stupid nerf gun, or useless super soaker that i convinced myself i needed.

being the minority even in your own family is rough.

1 comment:

ms.meggie said...

i was thinking about that story yetserday. actually, i think of that story whenever i start to feel overwhelmed and become envious of those who live nomadic lives. i think, "if only i could totally separate myself from material goods, i could spend my days contemplating the paradiso." and then i start to think of creme brulee and decide that working isn't so bad. i must be ignorant -- to prefer a lesser good.