andrew jackson, all we're asking.

the best part about working again is having time off. but the last five to ten minutes of work are good, too. i like to look at the clock and think, i'll be getting off in like, five to ten minutes. that's a good thing. i use the bathroom a lot, and since my cubicle is one of the farthest away from the nearest restroom, that means i have a lot of walking time. that means less time staring at my computer screen.

this japanese guy named kevin sits across the aisle from me. he failed the bar for the third time, and his girlfriend who works in a pharmacy in vallejo, is disappointed with him. but not really. i think he was just exaggerating. "what will you do after this?" he asked me. "i don't know," i told him. "probably sub." he said he was going to study full-time. he'll be taking a $4,000 writing course at uc berkeley. what a waste, i wanted to tell him. but i didn't. because like camera obscura says, i need all the friends i can get.

sometimes when i need to ask my team leader, who's name is also kevin, a question about a sentence, i'll delay it. i'll pretend to be looking in my packet for answers, or else i'll just stare at the screen. i take to heart george costanza's advice on working: "always look angry. when you look upset, people think you're busy."

yes, i'm lazy, and i also don't believe in the work i'm doing. but, then again, who cares? this is america.

and now, a commercial break for black friday.

hello, consumers. remember to buy everything in sight on black friday. keep repeating the mantra, "if i don't buy it today, it might not be here tomorrow." also, make sure you're shopping strictly for yourself. if you're thinking about buying gifts for other people, that's what christmas eve is for. let's take a look at some goods that will be heavily marked down.


treat yourself to this sleek and affordable ($400!) digital camera from kodak. you can use it to take pictures of all your co-workers and all the credit cards you own.








we all know this is gonna be a hot item this year. you need this. and at $599, it's a steal! the latest status symbol to let everyone around you know that you really do make that much more than them. or maybe you just owe more - i forget which it is. make sure you buy two, because they're so small, they're easy to lose. oh, and don't forget the accessories. the iphone's useless without them.
Cingular (AT&T) service: $199.99 (6000 min)
Bluetooth earpiece: $50
Data package: $20-$50
Getting out of your current contract: $200.00
Car charger: $40
Case: $50

okay, you're really an asshole if you don't already have one of these. but again, remember you that you're supposed to have at least two of each item, just to play it safe. we all know how many of "those" people have moved into the area recently. anyhow, this portable dvd player (cheap! $169!) is absolutely necessary for all those hours you have to kill when you're all alone, and there aren't any television sets around. yes, the bathroom really is the only place to use this thing.



i remember one or two teachers trying to tell me the concept of buy nothing day. i think we all stayed quiet when this was brought to our attention. you mean, there are some heathens that don't buy anything at christmas? they might as well have told us we were all unlovable. i don't think i really "got it," until i started working at a thrift store in college, and i saw how much shit people got rid of on a daily basis. and then i'd walk into a fred meyer, a qfc, a target, a best buy, and i'd think, man, there's a lot of shit in here. and i know it's not just here, but also literally in thousands of towns and cities everywhere. and then one time we had to take a trip to the dump because people kept donating (and by "donating" i mean abandoning) junk in front of our store.

the dump was an awful place. i guess that's why they call it a "dump."

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