i didn't want anything more to do
with the outside world.

sometimes i blog just because i really hate what i've written in the previous entry, and i'd like to make it disappear to the next page as quickly as possible.

i had a dream last night that i was in elementary school again. but this time, i was actually young and everyone else was young, too. not like those recurring dreams where i'm all grown up, i've finished college, and i'm stuck there and i can't figure out why. in this one, i was probably in fourth grade because it had to do with confession. we all had to walk down that middle aisle at st. ignatius, confess our sins to a priest and then stand before the entire congregation. i didn't want to do it, and i knew we had the option of just walking to the front, making the sign of the cross, and walking away, so that's what i did. but as i was making my u-turn, b.j. nativo, the little emotional fat boy in class, looked me dead in the eye, and called me a "sinner."

b.j. once called our science teacher, mrs. mangino, a "motherfucker," and then ran away. i guess whenever b.j. felt insulted, or whenever he just felt like being alone, he would run away. staff would always find him sitting by himself in the parking lot, or else wandering around the field.

from half nelson:
teacher: "you don't see other students coming up to my car and talking to me, do you? i'm your teacher. i'm not your friend. i just want to be left alone, alright?"
girl: "fine. be alone then. asshole."
teacher (rolls up window): "bitch."

in college, i thought that what i was learning was going to help me change the world. but once i got out, it was much bigger than i expected.

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