milf-a-monte/apartment hunter.


the rich bitch received his eviction notice verbally just this past week, and so we've been scoping out places where he might store his neverending supply of maxim magazines. i've only accompanied him on three visits to random apartment complexes, but so far, it's been...well, something to do.

the first place we visited was a place in rancho cordova, right next to the old music connection, which apparently closed down at some point. the landlord took a while to get to the door, and the outside lights weren't working. also, it was raining. "what is she?" i asked, "vietnamese?" "no," he said. "i don't think vietnamese. she's umm, i don't know. not american." finally, she opened her door, and she was all set to show us the 2 bed, 2 bath. "it's number 9," she said. she led us two rooms over and tried opening the door with her set of dungeon keys. she tried another. i might also add that it was pouring rain outside, and here's this 'un-american' woman, fumbling to open a door that's just two away from her own. she tries for about two minutes, while mumbling, "no, not those," until finally, she just stops. "i'll just show you number 8," she said. so we follow her next door to number 8. but on the way to number 8, she steps in a puddle and groans. "ughhh," she says, and looks at her foot, all dirty and soaked. she shakes her head like she's going to lose it, then looks at the rich bitch and says, "come back to tomorrow. it's just a bad day. i'll show you tomorrow." we shrug and leave.

in the car, i say, "what the fuck was that?" we have a good laugh over it. "her stupid hours are 4 pm - 7 pm. the weirdest hours, and she can't even show us a room!"

on friday, we try two places in natomas. apparently, these apartment management creeps like hiring girls in their thirties, who, in turn, have to act and dress like they're still in high school. i theorized that they do this to entice single young men into visualizing what it might be like to have a decent-looking woman in his bedroom. not that there's anything wrong with that. well, maybe there is.

we read reviews online for the miraamonte trovas, and it scored a whopping 21%. the only positive reviews were obviously written by management. here's an example of a "positive" review, written by "anonymous":

subject: FANTASTIC MANAGEMENT

"My experience with Miramonte/Trovas apartments has been nothing but fantastic. Group Interland Management has done a wonderul job coming in and taking over this property. Many residents may be experiencing some angst or frustration with the new staff, but due to no fault of this company. I'm not sure if you realize what these girls had to take on when this property was taken over...FPI left it a mess. As to the people requesting copies of leases, or work order requests, parking frustrations etc...have a little patience. The girls in the office are cleaning up a huge mess left behind by prior management, coming into a property with files scattered all around the office, people showing up to move in with no move in file. This was in no way Interlands fault. Most residents would know this had they taken the time to go to the office and see what all this company is about and what they have to offer. This is a beautiful community, with an amazing staff and killer rent specials...definitely worth looking into. As for the comments about the office staff being ditzy and bimbos...grow up and act your age."

hilarious. did they actually think that some random renter would write such a glorifying review regarding management? to be honest, i did buy it for a second. i like to buy these fantastic stories where employees actually write letters of recommendation for their boss, students praise their teachers, etc. in my fragile state, i'm pretty gullible. that is, until i read the comment below, posted by zrwolf14:

"Wow...I wish the people who worked at Miramonte-Trovas spent more time responding to maintanance concerns and other resident issues, and less time writing reviews of themselves. This is absolutely the worst place I have ever lived. The staff is unresponsive to residents at best, and more often rude. To anyone considering living here, I would strongly recommend going elsewhere. Read any 'honest' reviews posted and you will get a good sense of how awful this place is. I can't wait until my lease is up."

i think this is funny. if you don't, you have no sense of humor. just imagine this poor, dumb woman in her thirties, renting out apartments in natomas, dressed like she's about to hit the clubs with lindsay lohan, and then googling her own place of employment, realizing that all her tenants hate her, and so she writes this self-glorifying review to raise her approval percentage.

side-splittingly hilarious. she should start a blog.

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