people with big appetites,
who pass out in malls.

lately, i've been pretty uninspired. gloomy weather is crap. whenever i go bike riding, even if it's just around the block, my ears feel like they're going to fall off afterward. i got into san jose state, and i should be excited, but all i can think about is how much more in debt i'm going to be, and i contemplate just getting a boring job and saving some money. i should probably stop watching so many movies because it almost seems like i'm just trying to create some sort of new reality for myself whenever i watch one. it's great not having to think about time passing, or getting older. i can just watch someone do something else on screen because i'm too uninspired to do it myself.

and another thing, reminiscing is stupid. i was going to make a "memory almost full, pt. 2" entry, but it's stupid. each time i think about what's happened, i always tend to only remember the annoying and miserable parts. surely, something good happened. i just can't remember.

i don't know why i feel so stuck. a lot of people feel stuck, for one reason or another. it's like in igby goes down, when igby's dad says, "i feel this great, great pressure coming down on me. it's constantly coming down on me. it's crushing me." what the hell is that? what is that which everyone feels? this invisible, haunting force.

i peel oranges and listen to records. i just don't care anymore.

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