been a year.


today wasn't even supposed to exist. it's a leap year. i don't know why there are supposed to be 366 days every four years. i could look it up, but i'll just forget to. at least until another four years roll around.

i took down my basketball hoop. by myself. a feeling of accomplishment i haven't felt in years. i'm going to sell it on craigslist. people will buy anything on craigslist. i wish i could have a whole career dedicated to selling shit on craigslist.

it's been a year since i started hard times. it's hard to believe that it's already been a year since i saw victor villasenor speak, and how i was inspired, how i thought he was a genius, how good burro genius was, and how i thought my mission in life was to help these poor, illiterate mexican children.

a year since i had that overpriced crepe with meagan in santa cruz, across from the rio theater, where we once saw joanna newsom perform.

things are good, and then things are bad. things get good again. things get bad again. and then there's that in between period. the blank period. the television static period. that sleeping in, feeling sluggish all day, accomplishing nothing period.

it's the calculator turned upside down to spell: "asshole." not that funny, not that entertaining. you just kind of smile and feel nothing. it's that hangnail, the one that teeters, not too annoying, wouldn't be painful if you peeled it right off. that opening band that's just kind of blah, and every song sounds the same. that basketball game you know is already over at halftime. that record you kind of want, and it's on sale, but you don't buy, because you're thinking, i haven't even listened to their other ones yet. that movie everyone loved and talked about for about ten days, and then everyone decided they hated it. yes, i'm talking about garden state. that movie you finish watching and just feel kind of...eh. calendars with pictures of boats on them. keychains with a picture of your relative's new baby. birthday cards with just the name signed. family fucking circus cartoons. randy on american idol, saying, "yo, yoo. so check this out. it was just alright for me." the clerk asking if you've found everything you were looking for. the kids walking in twos or threes with their multicolored hoodies (when did this become cool?) and skater shoes. no noise, no trouble.

no highs, no lows.

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