3704558 upside down is asshole.


and 58008 is boobs. i never found this funny or even slightly amusing, so why i have i done it more than once? why have others shown me this on their calculators? there's another one. you tell the person to spell "i cup." that makes the other person say, "i see you pee." when the joke got old, though, i would play dumb and spell out "i" as "eye," and thus ruin the punchline. "e-y-e c-u-p." it didn't make any sense, and so the other person would have to say, "no, say 'i' and then spell 'cup.'"

i went to another state interview today with the department of california veterans. i might as well have said, "eye see you pee," or shown them "boobs" upside down on a calculator and walked away. that's just about how well it went. when i arrived, the interviewer made me take another mini-test. "it's real easy," she said. i should've responded, "so was college." instead, i took her stupid little test, keeping in mind that i had already passed the office assistant exam with 100% nearly two months ago. i put some stupid fake accounts in numerical order, one through six lowest to highest, and then i alphabetized them by last name. i think these little additional tests i've had to take in addition to the placement exam are pretty fucking ridiculous. by subjecting job seekers to this superfluous task, they're essentially saying, "you may have passed our main test; you may have a strong educational background; and you might have been able to fill out a decent-looking resume; but we suspect you're lying about everything, so put the fucking numbers in order."

first question: "what do you know about the california loan assistance program?" fuck. i hesitated for a second, thinking i should probably come up with some vague answer. "actually, i don't know anything about it. at all." the three interviewers (god forbid the state could entrust a single individual to conduct a job interview) scribbled some notes, and the woman said, "well, that's alright." yeah, i thought, that's alright for someone who isn't going to get this job. i wasn't disappointed with bombing yet another interview. the real disappointment was my inability to find free parking, and thus had to shell over $2.00 to the green tumor on the sidewalk.

maybe i should just prolong trying to find a job or going back to school for as long as possible. i'll work just enough to buy tickets to do something every now and then like see harold and kumar escape guantanamo bay by myself. i'll be like henry darger, except i won't draw. i can be like that icelandic guy who lives with his mother and collects rocks that make different sounds. i'll cut my own hair. i'll find junk on the street, fix it up, and sell it on craigslist. i'll plant a tree and watch it grow. i want to be like that guy in the movie baraka, the one who takes one slow step at a time on the busy sidewalk. i want to be insightful like timothy levitch and say things like, "there go commuters, running to their destinations and from themselves."

i could easily spend a lifetime trying to figure out why 3704558 upside down is supposed to be funny. it'd be better than proving to others that it comes after 58008.

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