i haven't seen you in a while.


today, the girls at washington mutual were wearing green t-shirts that read, "whoo hooo!" at first i thought it might be because of st. patrick's day, but then i realized we were already in april. i wanted to ask, "do your shirts say 'whoo hooo' because the dollar is now worthless or because wamu is headed for bankruptcy?"

i hate the new mcdonald's commercials. one commercial shows a bunch of coworkers sitting around talking about how the dollar isn't looking so good, and then another coworker shows up with a cheeseburger from the dollar menu. thus, they go from talking about our troubled economy to how it's not so bad when you can still buy a burger from the dollar menu. in another commercial, a bunch of boys are driving around while trying to find the cheapest gas. they all complain about how gas is so expensive, and then they finally pull up to a mcdonald's and extol the dollar menu.

i also hate the carl's jr.'s commercial where the guy and girl are sitting on the bleachers eating chili cheeseburgers. the guy gets chili all over his stupid face. in another commercial, a guy cleans chili off his pants with a fry and then he eats it. the burgers really look like someone just took a shit in them. and then finally, there's this one. i wonder what goes on in their marketing department. i imagine a room full of twenty-somethings, sitting around masturbating, hamburger buns for the boys, hot fries for the girls. they shoot each other comments like, "mayo? oh, i'll give you some mayo."

i don't understand heterosexuality from a woman's perspective. for the most part, all the men i know and have known, are disgusting, lazy perverts. i'm no exception. take a look at any single guy's bathroom; i guarantee you'll find a stream of dark brown ooze and hair leading to the drain. and then i hear about married guys who still play xbox and watch the nba. i don't get it. what's more is this business about "playing the field." again, most guys i know aren't even spectators on the side. we're more like those guys who drive past a soccer field and ask each other, "are they playing soccer or lacrosse?"

be grateful if you meet anyone in this world. even if you make a friend, consider it a miracle. the world is a dark and evil place, charlie.

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