we, the boomerang kids.

the purpose of this essay is to discover how an individual, who has adopted largely anti-consumerist, anti-materialistic views, can peacefully coexist with others in an enclosed, suburban environment.

stage one is gullibility. he thinks that, because of his previous experience and education, he will be able to change the others around him. he firmly asserts that since he has been blessed with an independence of spirit, he can now adapt to any given situation and environment.

stage two is apathy. the subject begins to see that thoreau was an elitist jackass who didn't have to worry about bills and loans and health care. thoreau could take a walk "for the sake of taking a walk" because he was a bourgeois white male. according to reliable sources, anyone who dares take a walk in this society will either be raped, kidnapped, eaten by a mountain lion, or die instantly from heat exhaustion. there are no shade trees in suburbia. the only trees in existence are kept six feet from the sidewalk, and are thus rendered completely useless to any passersby. our subject cannot possibly walk. even if he could, there is nowhere to go. he grows apathetic, sleeps and sleeps in the comfort of his air-conditioned bedroom.

stage three is mild dementia. the subject makes half-hearted attempts to get together with anyone who lives nearby. he does this because he does not wish to use his automobile. he has heard over and over again how evil the automobile is, and anyway, he has no money to pay for the black gold which makes the automobile run. but the creators of his environment have made it nearly impossible for him to go anywhere without his automobile. the world sends him mixed messages. the sky is falling! co2 is rising! no blood for oil! travel! do it while you're young! make memories and see the world! stay where you are! buy locally! visit another country and learn a foreign language! his mind becomes that ball in that game he used to play on that wonderful eighties invention, the atari. the name of the game was pong. mild dementia is like a game of pong.

stage four is isolation. to counter this, the subject reads books. they, after all, expanded his mind, and opened up new worlds he had never even dreamed of. somehow, words could make him feel all sorts of different things. he could feel uplifted, empowered, even slightly aroused. other times, these words could make him feel dejected, angry, confused and constipated. he retreats to his world of literature, hoping to meet lively characters who might possibly serve as friends and helpers on his isolated journey to nowheresville.

stage five is envy. this stage emerges when the subject makes an attempt to once again rejoin the human race by joining an online social networking site. the subject spends a good portion of the day looking at pictures and reading descriptions of people he once knew. for the most part, they appear happy, healthy, and they are making names for themselves in one way or another. his envy dissipates slightly when he somehow convinces himself that they are just as fucked as he is. this insight occurs slowly and haphazardly, but when it does, it overwhelms him with relief.

stage six isn't really a stage. it's more like a thought that just comes and goes. he recognizes that he is still a part of humanity because he suffers. the subject is humbled by this thought, and suddenly, he wants to shake everyone's hand and congratulate each individual for making it this far.

1 comment:

laughartbeats said...

A well written beautiful reflection! This is free therapy for my mood that is paddling above unhappiness on the happy playing field, while I am at work wondering what went wrong, and "how did I get here?"