sodom, south georgia.

day before yesterday, i found this craigslist ad that was too good to be true. free rent, it said, and a monthly stipend included. i wrote him an email saying i'm interested. he called me back yesterday, said come check it out. so after my job interview, i headed down there. the place was located by boeing field in south park. i already had my reservations, as i drove past the dilapidated rung theater, and rows and rows of decaying homes. the type of area where residents just let the dead grass grow.

i got to the intersection where he said he was located, cloverdale and 14th ave sw, or some shit like that. i called him up. "i'm here," i said, "right in front of cloverdale family dentistry." he sounded a tad bit out of breath. "did you pass the pizza place?" he asked. " place?" "yeah, there's a pizza place on the corner." for some reason, i lied and said that yes, i know the pizza place he's talking about. instead, i was actually looking at a drive-thru espresso joint on the corner. "can you just give me your address?" i asked. i wanted to just drive past this dump, and see how bad it really was. "no," he said, "it'll be easier if you just pull into the pizza place. i'll send a car out to get you." "couldn't you just give me the address?" i asked again. "it'll be easier if you just pull into the pizza place," he repeated.

this freaked me out. why couldn't this asshole just give me the exact address, after i had already driven all the way out there? send a car out to get me? more like send leatherface out to get me. fuck this. i started driving back towards boeing field, slightly looking for this imaginary pizza place, but more focused on just getting the hell out of there. i got into the left lane with the intention of driving back, wanting to be adventurous, wanting to figure where the hell this place actually was. before i made the u-turn, though, i envisioned a chainsaw driving through my left arm, my fingernails getting plucked off, one by one. i got into the right lane and pulled into the boeing parking lot.

i called the asshole up. "hey max," i said. "where are you?" he asked. "i'm at boeing..." "boeing! that's too far! you've gone too far! head back!" now i was really creeped out. "well, it's just that, i think the location is a little too far from where i'll be working." in truth, i haven't even found a job yet. "where will you be working?" he asked. "north seattle," i said. more bullshit. "north seattle, well that's not too far," he said. "well, it's farther than i'd like to drive, you know? with gas prices being as they are, too, i just don't think it's a good idea." there was a long awkward pause after that. "well, i'm sorry to hear that, jim." that was the other thing, he kept calling me jim. i really hated that. "yeah, sorry about that," i said.

i drove away, and he called again. "jim! i forgot to mention that we might be opening a hostel in north seattle soon. give me a call if you change your mind." "i'll email you," i said. but i won't. i like my limbs.


Naomi said...

Good choice. That's not the kind of shit you wanna go do by yourself. I'd hate to hear about on the evening news.

azul said...

I went to an interview when I first moved here at an art studio. The artist said that he could pay for everything for me, but he wouldn't give me the rate an hour. After talking with him longer he asked if I was opened minded about smokin' up. The interview got a little uncomfortable when I started counting how many times he looked at my "boob friends." I knew I needed to make a break from him when he wanted to use me to model his homemade "swimming suits." He kept talking about all the other models and how they were all underage and their parents started threatening him. I told him I wanted the job to get out safety, then called him back like you called that guy back to give him the real deal and he violently yelled at me over the phone. Intuition is everything and it sucks what people have to go through just to live.

Jacob Dempsey said...

Did azul really just write that? Jesus christ.