it's behind me, and now it's gone.


i didn't do anything differently today. at the bus stop this morning, i still put my headphones on. i listened to this american life, and i realized that, even if this was the last morning i'd have on earth, it would be alright just spending it listening to this american life. it wasn't alright, though, that i had to stand for the whole bus ride. the story was a pretty boring one, and it was actually the first tal story that i didn't find very interesting. i haven't listened to that many, but i just assumed they were all amazing. i was proved wrong.

the freshmen have arrived at the university, and they were buying their books, nervous and excited for the first day of classes tomorrow. i wondered if i could blend in. could i pass for an overdressed eighteen year old student? i asked meagan this, and she said i could pass for college, but probably not eighteen. "why not?" i said. "your eyes are red. you look like someone who's been working all day." i looked in the mirror. my eyes were red. only the two extremes have the power to make them such - work and weed.

there was a lot of leftover food in the staff lounge. it seemed as though every room and its closet held a meeting today. i ate some cod wrapped in cold fry bread, and helped myself to salad, a snapple green tea, and two coconut lemon bars. the sweetness of the meal gave me mild vertigo, or maybe it was staring at the computer for too long. i have these moments sometimes where i feel really off-balance, and it takes me a little while to adjust. it first happened a few nights after i had graduated from college. maybe it was just proof i wasn't eighteen anymore.

the receptionist came in to tell the girl i work with that she bought some clothes from ross and was very excited about her recent purchases. that's how it goes where i work. the girls chat about everything from clothes to politics, and i sit there, pretending to be more interested in cracked.com's article of the day because i have nothing to contribute, nothing to add to the conversation to make it any more bubbly and full of pep than it already is. i stay out of it, mostly because i am a conversation-killer. case in point: friday, stacy and emily are chatting about weekend plans. after ten minutes of talk, stacy turns to me. "do you have any plans this weekend?" i shake my head, "no. not really."

they look disappointed, so i feel i must come up with something. well, there was that writing group i was going to attend. "actually, i might meet up with a friend from undergrad." first of all, she wasn't really a friend; second, i was already thinking about backing out (which i did). "oh, that's cool. did you go to school around here?" "i went to the main campus for undergrad." "oh." the conversation ends, further prooving that, not only is a b.a. no longer relevant in our society, it's no longer relevant to even discuss your b.a.

i enjoy all this anyway. i like to write about the ordinary because the ordinary is all that really matters.

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