it's very good for the male penis.

i made the mistake of watching obama's recent appearance on the o'reilly factor. i can't believe that i used to care about stuff like this, even be slightly passionate about it. it's amazing how some of this bullshit is aired on television. millions of viewers are watching, hanging onto these people's words, and i can't believe it's happening. we've decided in our country that one person will be responsible for decisions that affect all of our lives. yeah, that's including mike, who you went to school with, heather, who sometimes cuts your hair, jeannette, who's book you've just read, your mom and dad, sonny, who cleans the bathrooms in your workplace, ian, who you think is a huge douchebag, danielle, who you were once in love with but now probably has a bad coke habit, and pretty much everyone you've ever talked to in your entire life. oh yeah, we'll just leave it up to one fucking guy to make the most important decisions for all of us.

god forbid we got together in our communities, started grassroots organizations, and tried to figure shit out on our own. i feel like my generation gave up before we even started. we tell each other that protesting is pointless, and that people are truly uninformed. we have become oversensitive and shut down at the slightest of disagreements. that's how i operate, anyway. i don't know how else to be. how am i ever going to feel empowered, or learn, or even truly listen, when i shut down in front of family and friends? watching o'reilly and obama go at it, i thought about my own inability to deal with conflict. i never have been able to. i've always sucked at debates, and i've always felt attacked. when it comes to something important, i find it difficult just having normal conversations with people.

i wonder why this is. i was pretty sheltered growing up, and i've never been in an actual fight. all throughout grade school, i tried to remain as inconspicuous as possible. i was quiet and kept to myself. i wasn't this way because i thought i was better than anyone; i just figured that if i was quiet and kept to myself, i'd make it out alive. there wasn't a single physical fight between any two people during my nine years at st. ignatius. i let mike t. drag me through the hall by my sweater, but i refused to label it as bullying. we were just playing a game, and i didn't mind.

everyone wants to be right; i understand that. but i know myself well enough that if i want to be "right" all the time, or at least most of the time, how will i ever listen, or learn? i think that my complacency or pessimism stems from the fact that i'm afraid. i'm afraid because i live in a country where adults continue to hold rallies. i thought rallies were over and done with once we left high school? i live in a country where some old white bitch holds up a sign shown on national tv that says: "hockey moms for palin." i live in a country where two grown, educated men sit across from each other and talk about iran having nukes, russia being an aggressor, the terrorist network coming to destroy us all.

and i am terrified because i feel absolutely powerless to do anything about it. i am more afraid of the people talking than the people coming to destroy me. because at least the people who supposedly hate our freedom and want us dead are clear about what their goals are. o'reilly and obama were talking about tax cuts and using figures that i couldn't understand for shit. but because i'm poor and i don't invest, their conversation didn't even apply to me anyway. i wonder about these people who think they have answers, who know what's best. why aren't they afraid?

how did they get to know so much?

1 comment:

Tiffany said...

Remember sophomore year when my friendship with t. was ending and you tried to mediate? I appreciated the effort. For some reason, this post reminded me of that.