running out of fools.

so, what do you do?
i work at the law school.
what do you do there?
i help students find volunteer opportunities.
well, that sounds noble.
except that i don't actually find the opportunities for them. i kind of just write them up and advertise them.
well, at least you get to write.
well, not exactly. i just copy and paste stuff from other websites.
so, what else do you do?
answer the phone and reply to emails.
do a lot of people contact you?
no, not really.
so, what's the point of showing up everyday?
i signed a lease. and i get health insurance.

my supervisor completely ignored this flyer i worked on last week. the flyer i created was crappy, and with its generic clip art of a house (it was to advertise open house), it looked like it was targeted toward twelve year olds. i didn't expect it to be used, but i would like to learn how to make a decent flyer, so that i don't waste time in the future making stupid ones that won't get used. honestly, i don't even know what i'm doing here. they could pay a work-study student part-time to accomplish what i do. but i'm supposed to hire a work-study student in the near future to help me accomplish things that i can't apparently accomplish. she'd better have flyer-making experience.

i came to seattle for the wrong reasons, and now, i think i'd like to leave. except that i can't. i signed a one-year lease, and god knows what kind of fees i'd incur if i broke that. it would have been better to be a vagabond dishwasher. at least i could've felt productive; i could've upped and left whenever i felt like it. but now i have a studio apartment and a make-believe job. i'm supposed to dress nice and act like i'm busy. all for the sake of health insurance and having my own place. getting your own place is highly ovverrated, with all its unnecessary extra space. i should've just continued doing nothing with my life; at least that way, i could've been honest with myself. i am doing nothing. now i'm fated to pretend like i am doing something.

i understand that most people aren't actually doing anything. you're supposed to hate your job, right? you're supposed to feel useless and unappreciated, and then find a hobby or something outside work. you're supposed to have this rich life outside of what you do. you're supposed to take a yoga class, or learn an instrument, or get drinks with friends. you're supposed to write and bike and make art. but then what?

what comes after that.

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