i got so wasted last night, man.

yesterday, the receptionist from across the hall paid us a visit, as she usually does whenever she is bored, or in need of some candy. she told us that this guy who works here, tyler or taylor, i think his name is, was at a bar on saturday night when a guy got shot in the head. apparently, taylor or tyler was standing right in front of the guy when the victim got blasted. it seemed a far-fetched tale. who witnesses a horrific murder first-hand, and then comes in monday morning to tell everyone about it? anyway, the receptionist bought it, and for all i know, it could be true. "if that were me," she said, "i would've gotten on the floor and peed my pants."

she also loves to come in, david brent-style, and tell us about her weekend drinking adventures. i don't understand people who brag about their drinking problems, like it's some wonderful, unique talent they have. don't they know drinking's only cool when you're a baltimore homicide detective? anyway, she said that she got so wasted that she slept on her couch because she couldn't make it to her bed, and that that was a sad thing because her bed is only three feet away, as she lives in a studio apartment. she asked me how my weekend was. how was i supposed to keep up with stories of booze and murder? "i didn't do anything," i said, which wasn't exactly true, but it might as well have been.

i finally got my copy of three cups of tea from the library. i'm supposed to read it for this book club i told the work study girl #2 i would join. i'm going to try and not back out of it. i don't know why i back out of so many things. i guess it's just easier to go home and do nothing all day than it is to come up with things to say to a bunch of strangers. meeting people is easy, right? there's always this pressure to be "on," to have something witty and clever to say, so that you'll be loved, but you don't have to love in return. some people are capable of this. i am not. i come up with the usual bullshit. "how was your weekend?" "did you grow up in seattle?" "what did you study in college?"

and then there are moments in large groups when someone says, "awkward silence." it's the stupidest thing anyone could say out loud. so stupid, in fact, that i might just have to be the one to try it out sometime. don't get me wrong. i like people. i just don't do well in groups or teams. maybe it's the catholic in me talking. monogamous relationships, monotheism, monotony. i can't handle more than one person at a time.

i've been severely slacking on the gig, as evidenced by my long, rambling blog entries. i've been writing emails to random people, too, so that they write back, and so i have something to read in the morning other than some random cracked.com article like "the twenty worst ways to get an s.t.d. without having sex." i get paranoid sometimes, like someone is watching, counting up all my blog minutes, all my gchat and checkers minutes, and they're just waiting to bust me. "look at all this time theft!" they'd say. and i wouldn't be able to argue with it. i'd just be out of luck again.

but. come on. if i wasn't doing this, if i was doing what i'm supposed to do, i'd be copying and pasting words and numbers from a website onto a spreadsheet. is this any way to treat a human being? is it? back to work.

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