she doesn't know how good she's got it.


i had to leave the computer for lunch, even though i typically eat lunch at my desk. on random days, i go to the library, but i don't read. i listen to this american life. i did that today. i can't stand looking at the computer too long. it hurts my eyes, makes me feel disoriented, gets me woozy. so, i just listen to this american life on my zune and stare out the window. i probably look crazy, like i'm scheming, plotting, thinking something bad. but really, i'm just listening to stories. people can think what they want.

on the way to the library, this white girl was telling this white guy that she had to write up a paper, one and a half pages about "how she feels and with examples." i trailed behind an asian girl who smelled like a clinique ad inserted into fashion magazines. i felt bad for the students at s.u., wandering around with their backpacks and hooded sweatshirts and cell phones. i felt bad because i was one of them and look where it got me. but maybe these kids have fantastic plans, bigger dreams, concrete goals. most likely, though, they don't.

it feels safe here, though, that much i can say. not like the crazy uw, which has a reputation for hosting serial killers and men who set themselves on fire. no, there's something safer about s.u. it's all white kids with a few asians and hawaiians sprinkled here and there. they cling to their nalgene bottles and lattes, and sometimes they wear pajama pants to class. that's acceptable. the girls wear headbands and northface jackets. they have ideas and beliefs and they want their fair share out of life, you know? everyone is here for a piece of the pie.

there are crosses on the lawn in front of the library to remember the murdered jesuits, nuns, and missionaries in el salvador. soon, people from all over the country will fly to georgia to protest the school of americas. they want to shut the school down because it trains military men who go into south american for the sole purpose of killing. i've always wanted to go to the annual protest. not because i believe my actions will change anything, but simply because it would be cool to go down to georgia and have a reason.

if you're going somewhere, it's good to have a reason.

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