mr. holiday shopper.


mr. holiday shopper stomped some fool to death early friday morning so he could save a couple hundred dollars for his new hdtv. now he can watch the cnn news report of that dead worker in hd. that's high-definition, you feel? some people think that what he did was a bad thing, said mr. holiday shopper shouldn't have been so eager to bust down those doors to get what he needed to get. they were banging on those glass doors, pounding and pounding, after waiting a whole flippin' night to get through. what'd they expect was gonna happen? with people pushing through, those folks had no place else to go. it was trample on, or be trampled.

what was mr. holiday shopper thinking when his big black boots when crunch, crunch, crunch, all over that worker's rib cage? who heard him over the screams of those busting through like so many refugees escaping imminent genocide? what a scene it must've been. the security guards in the control room watching the tapes in real-time, readying the reel to upload to youtube. the door unlocks, the people shoot through. some get knocked over, most don't. and the uniforms sit there, laughing at the chaos, as they do every year, over coffee and doughnuts.

and then some asshole catches it all go down on his video phone while the masses are oblivious to it all, grabbing this item and that, stuffing themselves full, to their cart's content. can you imagine the dilemma this guy faces, though, that guy with the camera phone? "do i stand here and watch this motherfucker die, or do i do what i came here to do? well, there's a couple dozen tv's on the shelf still, might as well watch this bitch die first." he posts it on youtube so that more bastards can watch the guy die, too, because you know, they won't show that kind of shit on the ten o'clock news. so people watch, and then they respond. usually, these kinds of response threads begin with, "i can't believe this happened..." and then, eventually, they turn into: "you stupid asshole. i wish you were the one who got trampled!"

it's actually one of the worst things to follow some of these threads. it becomes the complete opposite of what the internet was originally created for: to share useful information. some of us, at least, are still trying to do our part.

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