gonna do what i'm gonna do 'til i'm through.


black man on the bus says, "i used to do yoga." he is talking to his black female friend, an older woman, who is sitting behind him. "oh, stop it," she says. "no, i'm serious." "just stop it right now," she says. "you don't believe me? life is short, you know. like me? i'm gonna do what i'm gonna do 'til i'm through. 'cause you gonna die. it might be fifty years from now, it might be sixty. that's why i'm gonna enjoy today." his lady friend didn't pay him no mind. "you wanna get off here and wait for the 7?" "no," he said, "this might catch up to the 7."

this morning, some snow came down, but it wasn't enough to close the school. some weak ass snow. still, i checked my work email from home, hoping that message would come down from up top. "school closure due to snow day," the subject would read. then i would jump back into bed and sleep for five more hours. alas, it didn't happen. as i boarded my usual bus to work, i thought, "slip, slide. tip over, so i don't have to go to work." unfortunately, my wish kind of came true, as the bus drove right into the car in front of us. the girl who i sometimes see on the bus who looks like the girl from sleater-kinney got up and inspected what was wrong. i didn't get up. pretty soon, we all had to deboard the bus and walk to the next stop.

stacey complimented my small bag which has the design of a cassette on the front. i said, "thanks," but i couldn't say more than that because i was on the phone. sometimes, i wonder if they think i am unfriendly because i don't ask them about their weekends or talk baby-talk to their children when they bring their children to work. "it's rough out there," i'd say to those kids, "but you'll probably be okay because your mom/dad has a law degree and a pretty stable job." i would invite my co-workers to lunch every now and then, but i don't have a law degree, so there is a divide. even though they say we are all equal and we are a team, i refuse to believe them. pay me more, give me real responsibilities, and i will believe you. hell, i might even pick up the tab.

i am twenty-six years old and i ride the bus, and if that bus breaks down, i gotta walk to the next stop to wait for the next bus. sometimes, i worry too much that my life is ending one day at a time, and i'm not exactly doing what i gotta do 'til i'm through. i make egg salad sandwiches for lunch, and i tell lisa to not lower my chair when i sometimes catch her sitting in my chair. i check gmail constantly throughout the day, waiting to read the few non-work-related emails i occasionally receive, and i chat with my friends who are in school, are unemployed, or are sitting in offices like myself. we are all part of the revolution we are too apathetic to intiate.

i found out tonight that loretto high school in sacramento is closing due to the terrible state of our economy. goodbye, catholic school girls. personally, i wish it was jesuit they would close, what with all its overt racism, classism and homophobia, but that's just me. i call for the closing of all catholic schools for that matter. god is a trinity but really one. jesus, is it any wonder i'm so confused about everything.

when we catholics fall, we fall hard.

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