monster jam.

in college, i kept seeing these ads on tv for monster jam. the ads were always out of control. it featured giant trucks smashing other smaller trucks and the announcer with his deep, guttural, death-metal-inspired voice would always be like, "sunday, sunday, sunday! come see the grave digger!" i never had any interest in going. it fell into that category of stupid things i would never attend: wwf wrestling, a dungeons and dragons night, frat parties, etc.

for some reason, though, i told my friends that i wanted to go. i wanted to see things get destroyed. i wanted to see the mullets, the beer guts, the children who would learn to love nascar. so, emily made it happen. she got four tickets to see monster jam at the tacoma dome. the night before we went, opening night, a child had been killed when a piece of debris shot off one of the trucks and struck the six year-old in the head. despite the pending lawsuits, the show went on.

"i can't believe a little kid got got," i said. "out of like, fifty thousand people, he was the one to die." "yeah," emily said, "but i think that no matter where that kid was that night, he would've gotten it. maybe it was just his time." "wouldn't it be ironic if they got the grave digger to dig that kid's grave?" john said. "i can't believe parents would still take their kids to this," meagan said, "even after they've heard someone else's child got killed." it was all a mystery. what a way to go, though, at a lame ass monster truck show in tacoma. what a tragedy.

at the very beginning of the show, which we had to watch sober (budweisers were $8), some jeeps raced around these barrels. it was not exciting. after some of that shit, there was destruction derby. i didn't quite understand the point of destruction derby. from what i understood, all the drivers in their normal-sized cars would drive around the track and try to knock each other out. it was cool when one car sideswiped another and made that car flip over on its head.

i couldn't believe how bloodthirsty i was getting. i don't know what it was. i guess i felt like, i'm in tacoma, we're freezing our asses off, it's saturday night, there will be blood. i wanted to see something explode or catch fire. i wanted to see trucks plow through trailer homes and annihilate nice looking cars. i wanted to see truckzilla devour the remaining little trucks at the end, and breathe fire through its nose. none of that happened, though. most of the show consisted of little jeep races, and for the grand finale, the monster trucks did a bunch of jumps off ramps and tried to "win." "remember, folks," the announcer said, "this isn't a popularity contest." despite his warning, the crowd still voted for grave digger to win, even though donkey kong did a much better job.

the real fun began much later, while pigging out on ice cream cake and watching teen witch.


ultrafknbd said...

Couldn't help but think of Truckasaurus.

talking about hard times. said...

that's exactly what i was waiting for, but it didn't happen. what a letdown.