dear lucas.


dear lucas,

i spit a popcorn kernel on your head once. it was my sixth birthday party, and we were in the first grade. it was the first time i had a bunch of dudes come over to celebrate my birthday. i don't know what compelled me to do it. i thought it would be funny, shooting kernels out of my mouth like my head was a gun. it went in your hair, and you freaked out. you cried, and you wanted to go home. my mom called your mom, said you weren't feeling well, and then you went home. i still regret spitting that kernel at you.

mostly, you hung out with the white boys, b.j., ryan, shane, jeff, and greg. you had a riot with greg in art class. greg would say bad words in spanish and the two of you would really laugh it up. i didn't find them that funny, but i played along, anyway. as the years went on, you played flag football, baseball, soccer and hockey with the other white kids. we asian kids stuck to one sport: basketball. sometimes, i broke down the racial divide and picked up a hockey stick, too. i wanted to see what else i might be good at.

once, while waiting in line for lunch, you and shane were discussing the season finale of the simpsons, the one where mr. burns gets shot. "did he die?" shane asked. "duh!" you said. "he got shot! of course he's dead!" i wonder how shocked you were when it turned out that mr. burns didn't die, and that little maggie simpson was the shooter.

we went to school together from kindergarten through the seventh grade. everyone was shocked when you didn't return for the final year, eighth grade. "i heard his family moved." "i heard his parents forgot to register." "i hear they can't afford tuition anymore." i always wonder what really happened. you slipped away, and you didn't leave a single clue as to where you went.

when i worked at tower records, jenny bird came into the store. she said, "guess who i've been hanging out with recently?" and i said, "who?" and she said, "shane and lucas! can you believe the two of them are buddies again? it's just like old times!" "really?" i said. i tried to act surprised. i was surprised. it's always been difficult for me to express emotions. i am afraid of looking stupid.

i pictured you guys at american river college, riding skateboards, smoking pot. shane working at zumies and taking pictures of himself with girls with big boobs. jenny dreaming of college and falling in love and starting a career and family. i hope that you are all still friends.

just like old times.

1 comment:

Humanity Blues said...

God damn I loathe you.