you know about greenpeace?


on my way to get chicken teriyaki, i was stopped by a greenpeace canvasser. "hey bro," he said. i'm not your bro, hippie scum. "hello," i said. "you know about greenpeace?" "yeah, i've seen that," i said, pointing to his binder. "i saw a girl outside qfc." "was it greenpeace?" he asked. he caught me in a lie. shitballs. "no," i said, "i think it was environmental washington." "oh, well you got a sec? i wanna tell you about greenpeace." this guy looked like a real tool. he looked like he lived in a van down by the beach. if i had seen this guy when i was fourteen, i would've had to rethink the whole concept of "selling out."

i told him i was gonna grab some lunch and that i would be back. "go for it," he said. i was off the hook. i bought my teriyaki, and then i walked all the way around the law school to avoid him. i am really starting to hate these canvassers. when i was unemployed, i saw ads for this type of work on craigslist all the time. i hate that these little hippie kids think that they are saving the planet with their smiles and aggressive friendliness. i hate that the organizations they work for are extremely alarmist and probably don't do all that much to make the world a better place. the whole thing reeks of sanitized activism.

i mean, seriously. if you're gonna be a rebel, be a rebel. go live in a tree that's marked to get cut down. chain yourself to it. if you want to make some noise, go stand on a soapbox and preach. bring the evildoers to justice through the law or through violent means. don't pretend like we're buddy-buddy to get me to contribute to your organization. that's the worst thing you can do. it makes me feel more like a walking dollar sign than a human being.

a job's a job, i guess. do what you gotta do, canvassers. i'll continue to be the dollar sign, and you can be the statue that i, once again, choose to ignore.

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