leave the house today.

yesterday, i could've left early, but i didn't. i stayed until 5 p.m., even though there was nothing left to do. it was thursday, and i was glad the next day would be friday. i kept listening to "remix to ignition" and thinking about the lyric, "it's the freakin' weekend, baby, i'm about to have me some fun." the line was funny because i equated r. kelly's idea of fun with pissing on a minor. whereas my freakin' weekend would consist of maybe eating some fried chicken and watching t.v.

i've started brushing my teeth at work. it helps the time pass, and it messes up my psyche a little bit, helps me think that maybe it's night time and i'm about to go to sleep. i took a cue from the law librarian, who i would catch brushing his teeth in the men's room just about every morning. i do the whole routine: brush for six minutes, floss, rinse with listerine. my mouth feels fresh, and there's ten minutes less left on the clock.

i use the restroom on the third floor because there's more privacy. sometimes, the second floor men's room will stink, and it will be unbearable. it's nearly impossible to brush your teeth when you're gagging on stink. once, my cousin complained about the stink in a bathroom. he couldn't hold his breath any longer, so i told him to just breathe through his mouth. "ugh," he said, "that's even worse. i don't want that stink in my mouth." i realized that he was right about that.

on the bus back, i stood the whole way. sometimes, strangers will offer each other their seats when there are no seats left. for the most part, people will be polite and say, "no, you go ahead. i've been sitting all day!" that's how i felt. i had been sitting all day, so i decided i could stand for a twenty minute ride. i thought about my health, and how sitting down all day and staring at a computer screen all day were affecting it. i tried to put it out of my head. instead, i listened to yo la tengo's "mr. amache plays the stranger."

i came home, and my cousin was watching the wire. i said, "man, did you even leave the house today?" he shook his head. he told me that he was looking at tickets to go back home. "you already bought your ticket?" i asked. "no, i was just looking at prices," he said. i was going to lecture him, talk to him about really making an effort to learn how to live on his own and all that, but i decided not to. a nap sounded much more satisfying. so that's what i did.

i mean, i've heard that lecture before. taking responsibility for myself and shit. and yeah, i listened, followed orders, played it safe. i have a job, live on my own, can support myself. i am the american dream.

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