nice shirt.

i started caring about what i wore around junior high. before then, i used to just wear whatever i received as presents on my birthday and christmas, or whatever my mom would buy. but by the time junior high hit, i wanted to express my individuality, i wanted girls to like me, so i started paying attention to the clothes i bought. i didn't have any money, though, so my mom would still buy my clothes for me.

i went to this place called international imports in the sunrise area. i wanted some band t-shirts, and i found a rage against the machine one and a smashing pumpkins one that i liked. i wanted to get a tool t-shirt, too, one that had a big wrench on the back of it that looked like a cock and balls. luckily, my mom talked me out of it. "it kind of looks like a tee-teh," she said. i was gonna tell her that was the point, but then it made me second-guess sporting a giant penis on my backside.

i wore the shirts to school, expressing my alternative, edgy style. i went to macy's and bought a pair of jeans. i don't remember what kind of jeans they were. i just remember that some of the guys had been laughing at me for wearing such tight jeans, and that it was cooler to wear baggy ones. i bought a pair of baggy jeans, and they had some sort of colorful stripes going down the sides. either my friend's brother or my cousin pointed out that it was kind of gay. i couldn't fucking win.

in summer school before my freshman year, i wore my rage against the machine shirt. this ridiculously gorgeous girl named christina h. recognized me for the first time, and she said, "nice shirt." the teacher overheard, looked at my shirt, and smiled. like i had done something right for once. i think i somehow managed to say, "thanks," but that was about it. she wore pear lotion that filled the whole stuffy classroom with her scent. during break once, i spotted her down in the quad, talking to two boys on either side of her. i thought maybe they would double-penetrate her after school.

when i got to college, i started buying clothes from thrift stores, since that seemed to be all the rage within my close group of friends. i bought cardigans and striped polo shirts. i wore skater shoes and cargo pants that were too big for me. a friend of mine said that i used to dress kind of "eh" but now that i had been getting my clothes from thrift stores, i was starting to look a lot cooler. i wanted to look cool. i wanted to be accepted.

i didn't want to look like a tee-teh, but i definitely feel like a tool these days.

1 comment:

Naomi said...

sounds like all is well in 9-5ers land. Gettin' me down a little bit again. I think Franch is coming to richmond in late september for a wedding. You need to get out.