buying the brick.


"hey bro, you're wearing green and i'm from greenpeace!" jesus, what was i gonna say to that? he was your typical greenpeace canvasser, clipboard and beanie, tall and lean, white fool. why should i give a shit about your mission? so that we can perpetuate this world so more of you can stand on corners and bother people? so that the idiots in the building behind me can perpetuate their intellectual masturbation? make no mistake, hippie scum, i want this world to burn, and i'm gonna play the fucking fiddle when it does.

i went into starbucks and waited for my craigslist connect. he was a sloppy white guy with an oversized gray sweatshirt, and a glazed look like he had been baking on the beach for too long. i pulled out the goods: my crappy zune, belt clip, arm band, usb cord, and wall charger. "just out of curiosity, why are you selling it?" he asked. "i need something bigger," i said. he looked at it, and then he handed me $70, a fifty and a twenty. it got awkward real fast, so i got up to leave. i felt like i was cheating him, and for a moment, i wish i was sly enough to have done so. he didn't try it out. i could've been an asshole. i could've sold him a brick.

because what happens when you're a nice guy? when you constantly play the role of straight man? you get screwed over. you end up buying the brick.

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