holes in your zapatos.


"you're not going to wear those shoes, are you?"
"what's wrong with them?" i was shocked. they were banana republic shoes i had purchased from the goodwill for $2.99.
"they don't match your outfit."
"they don't?"
"no."
"why not?"
"they're too dressy. you should be wearing a suit with those."
i looked at them again. "really?"
"yeah."
"well, what can i wear with these?"
"brown shoes."
"that's weird that you noticed. my boss told me yesterday that she noticed i was wearing different shoes."
"the first things a woman notices on a guy," she told me, "are shoes and hair."
"really?"
"yeah. shoes and hair."
"i never notice guys' shoes."
"well, you should start looking."

we walked down pine street. "see what he was wearing?"
"i forgot to look."
"remember next time."
"okay."
"okay. what can you tell about that guy from his shoes?"
"i don't know. that he listens to hip-hop?"
"hmm. probably. what else?"
i thought about it. i couldn't believe we were having this conversation. "i don't know. that he shops at goods?"
"those shoes weren't nice enough to be from goods."
"yeah, that's true."
"like, you know in zombieland? i noticed jesse eisenberg's character was wearing those new balance 501s. and that's totally true to his character. guys who wear those sneakers are typically nerdy and insecure. i mean, they're good sneakers, but the shoes really say who he is."

i thought she might be bullshitting me. but i was also half-interested. we went into nordstroms, so she could point out what "casual" shoes were. we looked around at different shoes, and i thought i got it, but i also didn't. guys who cared about what shoes they wore ran the risk of being too metro, and that was a turnoff, but guys who didn't give a shit about the shoes they wore tend to be insecure nerds. so, how did one win? the only general lesson i learned was to only wear black shoes with black pants.

"do you get it now?"
"yeah," i lied. "i do."

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