not a date.


i asked her about school. she said that she was super busy. i ordered two beers. she had one and said she didn't like it. i told her to get something else. she said no. i said i would pay for it. she said no. but i insisted. she said not to say anything to the waitress about her not liking her beer. she said she would just drink it. i said she shouldn't drink it if she didn't like it. she questioned all the foam. i said foam was usually part of it. when my second beer came, she asked if the staff didn't know how to pour. i said that's usually how it was.

we talked about first-year students. we talked about one kid who looked like a vampire. she asked if he wasn't american. i said probably not. i said he was probably french because of his first name. i told her i heard from my boss that he had a uv allergy. i told her not to tell anyone he had a uv allergy. she said that my boss knew the most random facts about people. i agreed.

she casually mentioned that she was dating a transfer student from texas. and with that, she ruined everything. she asked if there were any girls in my life. i was honest, and i said no. i was a bit tipsy, so i said she should set me up with her friends. she said that her two closest friends already had boyfriends, so there wasn't anything she could for me, and would i want to date a law student anyway? i said probably not. but the truth is, i'm a mess and i don't care and my life is going nowhere, so anything would help.

she told me about her church. i wanted to ask why the fuck she believed in god. was she stupid enough to believe that we weren't just going to rot in the ground and everything was gonna be like the way it was before we were born? i pictured her at church, thinking she had a future, thinking she had an afterlife, and i thought she was very, very stupid. we were all gonna die and there was gonna be nothing. why waste your time believing otherwise?

she told me she babysat for church members. she was also a teacher's assistant, and she worked on the school's journal. she was anxious about finding a job after graduation, and she said something about the economy being terrible. i agreed. everything is terrible. fucking everything. are you just now realizing that? i felt smarter than her, even though i wasn't in school, and i wasted all my days looking at websites. because i knew that much.

fucking everything was terrible.

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