uninhabitable.


he was born, though he never asked to be. he got shots to protect him from diseases he knew nothing about. he spent most of his time alone, or else watching the television. he went to a school that made him and his family feel poor and unwanted. he went on vacations with his parents, and wished he had a sibling. he ate sugary cereal every morning and never flossed. he went to mass on saturday evenings and feared god. he got sick sometimes and spent those days in bed.

he went to high school and was called a "bitch" and "faggot" for no obvious reasons. he spent most of his time alone, and he watched television. his friends got him high every now and then, and he'd wish he and his friends weren't such low-lives. he read books and wished he lived in a different place, and in a different time, and knew different people. he listened to sad records a lot and put his head to the wall. he watched hardcore sex videos, and he imagined that that's what love was supposed to be.

he did well in school for a while, but then, when he didn't, he gave up. he blamed his poor grades on indifferent teachers and his slacker friends. he never took responsibility for himself. he was afraid of failure, but he also feared success. he read more books and he wrote, and he created a vivid imaginary world because the real world was just, well, uninhabitable. and despite knowing words like "uninhabitable," he received poor grades and scored a 1040 on his s.a.t.

he was accepted to only one college, so that's where he went. he left his family behind, and then sometimes, he missed them. instead of spending most of his time alone, he'd sometimes watch tv with other people, including his roommate. he got along with his roommate until he didn't. he bottled up his anger and then unleashed them when the anger couldn't be bottled anymore. he lashed out at people sometimes, and sometimes, he'd want to just hole up in his room and not see anybody.

he met a girl, and they got along until they didn't. they made some good memories and had important discussions about life, and then it was over. and then it was back again. and then it was over. this upset him a great deal, and so he spent a lot of his time alone again, and he would watch a lot of tv again. he remembered his grandma's final words to him, which were: "never trust anybody."

he looked forward to when it would all be finished. but the waiting still made him quite anxious. he was still very much afraid.

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