have you ever heard of some shit so real?

you know when some shit gets too real? maybe it's just all in my head, but i know when shit gets a little too real for me. i don't mean real as in genuine. i mean real as in, whoa, this is a little too real for me. like when you're in a used video game shop on fair oaks blvd. in sacramento, and it's dark and there's nobody in there except for the guy with the stained polo shirt behind the counter. he's unfriendly, and he says, "can i help you?" and you just stand there, scared out of your mind, scared that this person, this place, even exists, and you don't know what to think because this shit is just too fucking real.

and then there's the imaginary side of life. like when you're at some party, or it doesn't even have to be a party, a class or gathering or whatever, and there's some girl there, and she's incredible and you know you would probably love your life if you were just someone she knew. if she just knew your name, you'd be thrilled. but she doesn't. and you know, you just fucking know you're nowhere close to being in her league, so you don't say anything, and then you just come across as a real asshole. that's some imaginary shit right there.

and shit becomes real again when you take the bus home. and it's only 4:30 but it's fucking dark out. it's winter time, and it's rainy and cold as shit. you're riding the bus and you're all wet, and nobody is saying anything. in fact, they're all speaking different languages, or else looking like they just done saw some heavy shit go down. like the end of a working day, you know? anybody who can survive a working day in some shit weather just saw some shit go down. head hung low, like they about to cry or some shit. that's some real shit right there. real heavy shit right there.

when the rain finally settles, there's a coffee shop or else a bakery, and it's full of families. some mom's got her two boys and the two boys are all arguing and shit, and she's trying to shut them up. "behave!" goddamnit. "behave!" and some other kid's all whining, and he's saying, "don't forget to get me a spoon!" and even though these parents look all annoyed, they're happy about what they've got. they're happy to not be floundering in life, and that they have some meaning, some kind of purpose. and i see that, wonder if i want it. and for now, it doesn't seem real. at least not like the real i've been talking about.

you're probably saying to yourself, i don't know what the hell he's talking about. all this nonsense about what's real and what isn't. it's all real, right? the good and bad, it's all a part of life. but there are some of us that see the good and think it's bad and vice versa. there are some of us who go through life and it's nothing but frustration, despair, and gum surgery. and there are others with the right attitude, who just whistle when they wake up, put on a smile and are genuine about it. they want to do good, to bring some kind of joy into the world.

it's like what d said. some shit just stick with you.

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