a productive member.


he shouldn't have slept in as much as he did. he should've gotten up with the sun on those rare days the sun came out, and he should've gone jogging, or done some sort of physical activity. he should've said, "good morning" to passersby, to strangers, to everyone he crossed paths with. what was so hard about it? "good morning." he wouldn't even have to say both words. he could just say "mornin'," and people would know what it meant. because they were all connected, and they all knew english, and they had heard "good morning" enough times to know that "mornin'"meant exactly the same thing.

he shouldn't have sat on his ass and played video games. they only made him angry. they only provided some sort of false relief, a temporary escape from his world of imaginary problems. he should've went to the coffee shop, and ordered coffee and read about what was happening in the world. there were, after all, real conflicts in the world, not ones specifically confined to the worlds of spetsnaz vs. marines, or blanka vs. ryu. there was the real world, and he was obligated to participate, to be a productive member of society. otherwise, he might as well not even exist.

he shouldn't have waited around, or held grudges. he didn't exactly have to "seize the day," but he should've at least tried to do what was good and what was right. he shouldn't have spent day after day with such a heavy heart, and so much paranoia, and feeling like it was him against the world. the belief that he was a nobody, that his time spent on earth was nothing but a blip against the backdrop of eternity, that he was going to someday die and there wasn't a thing he could do about it - all of this should have inspired him. he should've found it encouraging, rather than discouraging.

he shouldn't have felt so frustrated, angry, and defeated all the time. he should've believed in something. if not god, then at least in himself. he should've created a community, and been better to his friends, and tried not to feel like a fool. he shouldn't have had to feel guilty for being himself. he should've played music and wrote stories and been honest. he shouldn't have wasted everything and thrown it all away. he should've worked toward building memories, creating a tangible history for himself.

he should've been happy right where he was, doing what he was doing.

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