hello, are you going bowling tomorrow?

seriously, you should've seen the look on this bitch's face when i asked if i was at the right place. i said, "am i at the right place?" and she just looked at me and said, "i don't know." it was some rich blonde white girl, and i was at some house in south queen anne, and i didn't know where the shit i was. google maps and my iphone were zero help. anyway, this girl just looked at me like i was a piece of trash. it was a look that said, who the fuck is this asian nerd who doesn't know how to dress properly? it stung, but luckily, someone else came along, and she told me i was at the wrong place. i went back out into the street, and there was another group of white people with north face jackets heading towards where i had just come from. i asked if they were heading to marisa's place, but they just said no.

i finally figured out the place where i was supposed to go. i had been invited by a fellow volunteer to her wine party. normally, i'd say no to these types of things, as my social anxiety usually gets the best of me. but my friends pushed me, they said i should go. i thought about how, once in high school, i had stayed home on a friday night even though there was a school dance. i just didn't want to feel stupid and awkward and alone again, so i stayed home. it was a terrible feeling, knowing that all my friends were out doing god-knows-what, while i was home, on the computer.

so, i decided to go. i knew i wouldn't know anyone there, and it was a challenge. thank god for alcohol. thank god for wiz khalifa. marisa's apartment was an expensive one with a great view of south lake union. the apartment complex was all wooden doors, and it was quiet, and it reminded me of american psycho. i could hear voices coming from one of them, and i knew that i had arrived at the right place. what was i doing here, anyway? unlike the others in attendance, i wasn't white, and i didn't have a career at a multi-million dollar corporation. but these are hard times, and i have to say yes to everything.

i went directly to the kitchen, and the host, marisa's roommate, poured me a glass of wine. i gulped it down immediately. i was sweating. meeting people isn't easy. the yuppies networking. what would thom yorke think of me? i was a wreck. why was i sweating so damn much? was it because i had just gone to the gym two hours ago, or because i was wearing a v-neck sweater in a hot room, or because i was terribly anxious about meeting new people? i don't know, but i was sweating bullets. what was i doing here? i didn't know anybody. i met marisa one time, and i accepted her evite to her wine party? the fuck was i thinking?

i went into the living room, and there was a law student i had seen before. he recognized me immediately, and we shook hands. he was actually a student that my coworker, emily, hates for valid reasons. he comes across as very arrogant and pompous. but he was nice to me, something i can attribute to the fact that he didn't know anyone there, either. he told me about how he is going to graduate in december, how he wants to do immigration law, how he was in the air force at one point. meanwhile, i was noticing a lot of cute girls in the apartment, and why wasn't i talking to them, instead?

marisa came over, and she almost didn't recognize me. i waved, and then it all came together. i think. she gave me a hug and thanked me for coming. later, by her refrigerator, we talked. she told me she had just bought a horse. i told her i was tutoring some delinquents. she had on some furry shoes that were reversible, and we laughed about that. she asked if i was going bowling tomorrow, and i said i had nothing else to do, so why not? she said, okay then, i'll see you tomorrow. she gave me another hug and then i left.

i drove home, slightly buzzed from all the wine i had consumed. i thought about lou from hot tub time machine. how, a lot of the time, i feel just as fucked up and alienated as that character, but if you can have a good attitude about it, maybe even learn to just laugh at it, you'll be just fine.

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