hello, wanna hear a joke?

now that i've been working with kids again, it's only helped me realize that i definitely do not want to go into teaching. the thing is, i'm just as apathetic as they are. i'm a bad role model, and i think it's kind of funny. one kid, a freshman, asked me what i listen to. "uhh, i dunno," i said. "wiz khalifa?" he'd never heard of him, but he had his laptop on. "show me," he said. i typed in "wiz khalifa the thrill" into youtube. i forgot that some of the lyrics were: but you just wanna go out tonight and fuck someone famous. the personalized intro screen had something about "niggaz" and "bitches" on it. the kid laughed to himself.

the thing of it is, education is really just kind of a joke. see, i'm bored with my job, bored with my life, so i decided to audit a math class. the same math class i took as an undergrad, math 110, algebraic functions or some shit. after i had registered to audit the class, i checked out my bill: $1,015. can you fucking believe it? and that's a core class, meaning, motherfucker's required. and what did i get for my $1,015 when i was eighteen? a fucking 5 credits on my transcript, a b+ in the class.

but yeah, education's important. okay. this other freshman, alex, had to make impromptu speeches on the importance of education. fool was spouting off, "education's important because it will help you be good in life. you need education to get a good job. education is important because it can help you think. and uhh, what else?" i nodded along. what was i gonna say to that? it's not like i'm not for education. i just wish $1,015 (x 180) had gotten me a useful skill, had given me some sort of direction. instead, i became a spoiled and hopeless human being.

"fuck you, faggot!" one kid said to the other. "don't use that language in here," i responded, robotically. i have zero authority. and honestly, i don't care if these kids say words like "faggot" or "nigger" or "shit" or "suck my dick." it's not like i didn't say those things when i was in eighth grade. i wish i had this attitude, though, when i was in americorps, when i had that rough teaching gig. what does it matter what you do or say, children? really, what does it fucking goddamn piece of shit matter? you'll all end up in the fishbowl, just like me. that is, if you're "lucky."

the thing of it is, i like these kids. i like all of them too much to ever be a teacher. they remind me of me when i was their age. all i wanted to do was get laid and have fun. i didn't want to study latin, and i didn't want to do any extracurricular activities. i wanted to leave the city i grew up in, but only because i thought the grass would be greener, that for once, i might feel like i was better than everyone else who stayed behind. i wanted to go to college to get laid and have fun. i didn't want to graduate and try to be something, somebody i wasn't. i didn't want to sit in an office all day, or network, or have to worry about putting enough money into my retirement account.

so, i just hang out with these group of kids. they like to tell me racist jokes. how come there are no mexicans in star trek? how come? because they don't have jobs in the future! haha. how do you fit 100 jews in a car? how? two in the backseat, two in the front, and ninety-six in the ashtray! haha. ouch. too soon? well, at least you can do math. the boys like to draw and make beats and video chat with girls they know. they like, at least i think, just having an adult to talk to who isn't stressing them out, making them feel like if they don't do well in school now, their lives are going to be terrible.

and if that really is the case, shit. i could've really used someone like me when i was thirteen.

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