make it right!


my uncle used to take me to candlestick park to see giants games when i was a kid. i didn't know shit about baseball, and i didn't care to learn, either. i just wanted the giants to win, but i didn't care one way or another. i just wanted them to win so that my cousins and my uncle would be in a good mood afterward. they rarely won, though. in fact, i don't think i had been to a single giants game at candlestick park when they had actually won. still, i'd bring my glove, and hope to catch a foul ball. i'd cheer when will clark was up at bat. i'd eat nachos and drink coke.

my friend got mariners tickets through work, so we went to safeco field yesterday. mostly, i was just glad to be outdoors while the sun was out. at the entrance to our section, 141, an old man held up a sign that read something like: as courtesy to the audience, please wait until this player finishes at bat. i wondered if holding that sign was the man's only job, or if he did it part-time, and what he might need the extra money for if the latter was the case. we got to our seats in the second inning.

at one point in the game, the angels' pitcher dropped the ball, but the ref called it out. there was a guy in our section that completely lost it. he screamed, "he dropped the ball! make it right!" he was a middle-aged white man, and his face was completely red. it wasn't the first time i had seen something like this happen at a major sporting event. it happens all the time. who are these people, though? they look so frustrated and angry when they're screaming their tomato heads off, and to what end? as if a referee is really going to change his mind over some lunatic screaming in the stands?

maybe it went like this: he was born, and he had a few childhood friends, but they didn't stick with him to adulthood. when he was seven, his bike was stolen, and his dad told him life wasn't fair. it seemed to be his motto whenever things didn't work out for him, and each time his dad said it, he could only think, if life isn't fair, and you knew that, then why the hell did you have a kid? out of pure dumb luck, he had a high school sweetheart, but it didn't take. they split up the summer before college. in college, he did a lot of drugs, but managed to keep it under control enough to get decent grades as a history major. then, he realized he wasn't gonna do shit with a degree in history, so he got a job as a delivery driver for ups. he met his wife through work. he had kids of his own, even though he knew life wasn't fair. he took the whole family to a ballgame on a saturday afternoon, where he screamed his head off at the ref, much to the embarrassment of his subservient wife and absent-minded child.

do you know how good it feels to let people down? i bet you don't. you don't know the thrill of being with a social group - i'm talking a real friendly bunch, and they're at some bar, and they're having a great time, really drinking it up, laughing, smiling, a real party, a real hoe-down. i'll bet you don't know what it's like to not be able to turn it off, to push aside the thought that this is stupid, that this is a waste of time. that this is completely unacceptable and irrelevant. you don't know the thrill of it, of walking away when things are just getting good, and there's no reason behind your selfish action. no reason whatsoever.

you do it because you're bored, and you've done this. everything's tired, and you just want to be left alone.

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