mangoes and fish for breakfast.


on monday, i gave my gmat book to lisa because i decided recently i have no business applying to business school. i told her i had no use for it, and since i knew she was planning on taking the gmat, i gave it to her. i sat on the couch in front of her desk, and i waited for the i.t. guy to come set up the conference phone. "what did you major in again?" she asked. "english," i said. "so, what are you gonna do?" she asked, condescendingly, "work for atji?" right then, i wished really bad things would happen to her.

the i.t. guy came and set up the phone. when he realized i would be the only one in the room, he got all pissed off. "you could've just made this conference call from your desk," he spat. "oh," i said, "i didn't know. don't i need this machine?" "no," he said, "it's just a phone." i set up the call in a huff, and then i went back to my desk to let my frustration with everyone subside. who were these people that expected me to know that i could make calls from my desk, that i should major in business because that will just miraculously solve all my problems?

i haven't done any real work in a long time. instead, i spend all my days at the office thinking about how i'm going to escape this dreadfully quiet place. i can't seem to focus on any one thing, though. one day i want to be teaching english in budapest, the next i want to be a bum at home just watching on demand with my parents. i'm supposed to be keeping track of our office's budget, contacting legal services organizations, updating our website, and jump-starting our department's blog, but i just can't bring myself to do any of it. i'd rather keep telling everyone that our days are numbered, and that in the grand scheme of things, none of this really matters.

i really like this kanye west lyric: i'm ahead of my time, sometimes years out, so the powers that be won't let me get my ideas out/and that make me want to get my advance out, and move to oklahoma and just live at my aunt's house.

today, i pictured myself living with my uncle in manila. it'd be hot as hell. i would stay in one of his four unoccupied guest rooms with no air-conditioning, and i would wake up at the crack of dawn because it'd be so miserably hot. i'd go downstairs, and his helper would have some mangoes, rice and fish ready for breakfast. after breakfast, i'd look at the clock, and it would be only 8:30. i'd work on a story until my uncle would wake up and drive me to the mall, where we'd walk around and not be able to afford anything. but hey, at least there would be air-conditioning.

sooner or later, though, they'd get suspicious. "so...are you gonna get a job?" and then everything would be ruined.

today, i found some big pieces of paper under my desk, so i started a game of pictionary with my coworkers. i drew an eye and a pea pod, and gen guessed i was going for "ipod." emily drew a robot. gen drew a piano and then a canyon, and i guessed "grand canyon." then i drew an oil rig that looked like a volcano and a glass on its side with little drops of water coming out of it. gen guessed "oil spill," and she was right.

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