put stuff inside you.


freshman year of college, there was this girl, jen, who lived next door to us. she was a nursing student, and a part-time waitress at hooters. i have to admit, it was pretty awesome. it was as though hollywood didn't completely lie to me, and that hot, fake american pie girls really did exist in dormitories. she'd hang out in our dorm room sometimes because she got along well with my roommate. my roommate was always bringing in the cooze, and i didn't get it. just because he was an athlete or something, big fucking deal.

jen found out i liked the gilmore girls, so on thursday nights, she'd come over, and we'd watch it. this one time, i hadn't taken out the trash in a while, and she sat right next to the trashcan while watching the show. "this trashcan smells like sperm!" she said. after the third or fourth time she announced it, i went off and emptied the trash. for weeks after that, she told my roommate that he needed to stop jerking off into the trash.

i think she wanted us to hang out in her room sometimes - it was only fair - so she bought an xbox and invited me and my roommate over to play. we played halo, and she commented on how i looked so serious when i played. she called it my game face. while we were playing, she told us not to turn around, so naturally, i turned around. she was changing her bra and shirt, getting ready for work. i caught a glimpse of her back, artificially tanned and perfectly fit. so, this was what a shirtless hooters girl looked like from the back.

come spring time, she went on and on about how she wasn't getting what she needed, sexually speaking. she lamented over being placed on what she called "the virgin floor," bellarmine six. i was sitting at the computer one day, and in front of my roommate, she asked if i would have sex with her. being a slightly overweight asian nerd, i knew she was just trying to humiliate me, so i had to come up with something clever and not-too-nerdy to say. i declined her offer, but followed with, "i'll put stuff inside you if you want." she laughed oddly. i couldn't tell if she found it funny or offensive.

eventually, she started seeing this soccer player who lived next door to us. i was surprised to find that, despite him being a self-proclaimed ladies man (he did have a lot of stories to tell and a new girl in his room just about every week), he was also a virgin. after some convincing, they did the deed, and she was very disappointed. apparently, he couldn't last very long, and she'd tell me and my roommate all about it, all the while looking very frustrated and upset.

they were together for a little while, and then they weren't. i guess that's just how these things go.

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