i can just feel it.


i couldn't sleep the night before my interview. it wasn't even that i was nervous about it. it was just something different. my life lately has been strict, mundane routine, so the slightest change upsets the system. i dreamed of some guy who was dead, and when they found him, he was in a relaxed and comfortable position in his desk chair, hands behind his head. i took it as a sign. that's gonna be you, keep going on the way you do, sitting at your desk, making money and turning stupid. i kept waking up through the night. time to get up yet? no, not yet. time to get up yet? almost.

finally i got up, showered, ate my oatmeal. why didn't i shit before i left? i had plenty of time to take a decent shit! now what if i have to go? nothing worse than being on the light rail or bus and having to go. only one time was it so bad that i actually had to get off at a different stop and scramble for a public bathroom. and luckily, at the time, i was only heading home, so no big problem. but it could come at any time! best not to think about it. i felt like a dope, dressed head to toe in j. crew with my new north face backpack. look at this nerdy yuppie, they'd say. he's certainly not fit for the program.

i got off the light rail at westlake center, used my handy dandy iphone to locate the office. i think i had been there before. same office as the oral surgeon i pussied out on going through with last year. i asked the front desk dude where the office was. "sixth floor," he said. i went up to the sixth floor, and the door was still locked. a small woman let me in. i apologized for being early. i heard you're not supposed to do that in interviews. i took a seat. soon, another woman came in and they hugged each other. "after you've been in the program," she said, "that's what happens! you start hugging everyone in this office!" i laughed. they were an odd bunch, but what the hell. i could use a hug.

the recruiter had a streak of purple in her hair. she told me i'd have to get fingerprinted. she told me she loved speaking with me on the phone, and she said i would be a perfect fit for the program, she could "feel" it. and then she fingerprinted me, but before she did so, she looked at me, and she told me she loved me. she was an old woman, old enough to be my grandma, and she was such a hippie that i almost felt compelled to tell her that i loved her, too. almost. she kept screwing up the fingerprints, and i liked to believe that it was so that she could keep holding onto my hands for as long as she could. that's probably not true. but then again, she told me she loved me within five minutes of meeting me.

she said that she was upset that she would not be the one interviewing me, but that i should feel completely comfortable in the interview. and then she disappeared, and i waited some more. i sat down next to a very pretty girl, who was probably right out of college, and i said, "hello." she said "hello" back, and i thought that this was a very good start to the program. i asked if she was interviewing, and she said yes. and then she asked me if i was interviewing, and i said yes. and then i got called in for my interview.

they asked me exactly twenty questions. why do i want to join? when have i been a leader? what challenges do i think i'll face? i faltered a bit in the beginning. and then somehow, i picked up the pace. something clicked in me, and that something said, dude, who gives a shit? i didn't practice for the interview at all. people told me beforehand that i should do a mock interview, or at least outline what i was going to say, but i said fuck it. i've had enough practice with interviews as it is. all in all, i think it went very well.

i left the building feeling confident. here i am, i thought. i may not matter all that much, but i'm gonna give it all i've got.

1 comment:

Daily Logue said...

where are you applying?