it's your turn.

there i was at mikuni's, this sushi place off hazel. i'd never been there before, but showed up because it was my cousin's 40th birthday party. 40. i mean, i always knew he was older than me, but for fuck's sake, 40. that's how old nate's character was when he died on six feet under. i remember hearing my aunt was turning 40 when i was a kid, and i just thought, holy shit that's old. it was so old they called it "over the hill." and my other cousin, she just turned 30. it feels like last week we were just playing lava steps at the rosemont house.

anyway, i was at this place mikuni's, and then our other cousin showed up. he had his kid with him, a girl, and she was only 7 months old or so. she was cute with dark eyes and dark curly hair. he had another kid from another woman, and that kid is like 9 or 10, but he never sees that kid. so two kids, one my cousin sees, the other he never sees. i guess that's what happens sometimes. anyway, that cousin, the one with the two kids, he says to me, "you're next." and i was like, "what are you talking about?" and he goes, "it's gonna be your turn to have kids."

i've been getting glimpses of what it's like to have kids. i took my cousin out for her 30th birthday, and her two year old just kept running around the old spaghetti factory. i'd pick her up, try to put her in the high chair, and she'd just cry and cry and throw a fit. and then my cousin told me how the little girl would wake up at 2 in the morning, and wouldn't go to sleep until about 6. and the father would just yell, "go to sleep! i've gotta be at work in two hours! go. to. sleep!" and all i could do was laugh at it, and think, jesus, how do people live like this?
after the old spaghetti factory, we went into a toy store, which was another bad idea. the older one, the 4 year-old, she didn't want to leave, even after half an hour. she just kept saying, "i want to buy something!" and i said to her, "well, what do you want?" at that point, i would've bought her anything just to get back in the car and have her stop whining. but she couldn't even answer me. she'd say, "i don't know! but i wanna buy something!" and the whole time i was thinking, for fuck's sake, just pick something out already!
i just don't get it. most parents seem to be like, yeah, yeah, i love my kids, whatever. but most of them don't even seem to have good relationships with their parents. most of them would be a lot better off financially without children. sometimes i wonder why my parents had me. they could've done a lot more things rather than overwork themselves for decades just to pay my tuition. the obvious answer is that it's love, duh. but really, is it love, or is it just some fool nudging them and saying, "hey, it's your turn?"

1 comment:

Daily Logue said...

It depends on the person I guess. I think that there are a lot of people who have kids without ever really having much kid contact before hand. They have no idea what they're in for, but the pictures in the magazines are nice, and it's the next thing to do. Some people do it because they need to give their life meaning or have given up on themselves.
But some people definitely do it for love.

It's not something you can ever be prepared for or have explained to you. It does no good. There'sno way to really understand it until you're in it. Which is too bad. But if you spend time with kids, you can have a tiny inkling of whether you'd ever want to do it or not.

I always figured I'd have kids someday. So when I found out I was knocked up, I approached it pretty logically. I realized I'd be doing it on my own, and it would be hard. But I figured - I'm 24, I've travelled a lot, done a lot of things, I have a college degree and can support myself. I have no real reason not to. So I jumped in, having really no idea.

But I can say this for it. Like anything else, you get out what you put in, and you have to have your own expectations and your own way of doing it. There are lots of hard, tiring, impatient, overwhelming moments. But there are a lot of awesome, amazing, fill you with love and light moments too. More than that, it teaches you sooooooo much about yourself. I have 50 times more self confidence than I ever did before. Its a shame, cause I could have used it to do all the awesome things I now can't do because I have a kid. But it makes you such a better, more patient, more well rounded person. It opens your mind and heart to people and kids and ideas, and teaches you sooo much.

But if you don't have the heart or the stomache for it, and you let your kids run wild, or dont pay much attention, or appease them at every turn to keep them quiet. Its gonna suck. And the kids are gonna suck.